Do You Have Bad Mom Syndrome?

I wonder if too many of us have “Bad Mom Syndrome.”
No, it’s not from watching the movie.  Actually it might be featured there, but I haven’t watched it since I don’t need access to even more wacko ideas.

Ha! Just trying to keep it together here.

But because you are probably short on time, as a mom,  I’ll get right to it: it’s that place of constant guilt.  The imagination that you are a bad mom for juggling different things instead of having hyper focus ALL. THE. TIME.

 

timelapse and greyscale photography of woman

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You Are Not a Bad Mom

Juggling lots of different things does not make you a bad mom.
In fact juggling was probably created for us to manage, expressly because we manage so many different things, well.

Repeat after me:

You are not a bad mom for working.
You are not bad at work because of your focus as a mom.
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You’re not alone.  The struggle is real.
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In a past career in the military, I saw many friends have to choose, one or the other. In my units, I saw zero examples of a woman making it work.  
What? I’m being honest.
So when MY time came to choose, I told myself, I could stay in and be an example, or I could get out.
I always envisioned myself as a pioneer, but at that time I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t be the example. I got out of the military. 
For me, for my tiny family, the choice was clear – but many of my friends, working in and outside the home, still struggle daily with this pull. And I sometimes do, too.

photo of a woman thinking

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Early Beginnings

I feel like this guilt starts early.  We live in a culture that is geared toward “either/or.” Early on in life, we are asked this question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and it’s so limiting.

Like we can only be or do one thing!

It limits God. It also limits His time.

It limits us to think we are only productive only AFTER – after we’ve grown up, or after something else is accomplished… why?

It’s madness to think that not finishing everything we juggle is a sign of a bad mom!  You can relax! You were made for many things. 


It’s my belief that this seemingly harmless elementary school question limits us as a culture.  It certainly causes confusion among parents searching for “their one thing.”
girls on desk looking at notebook

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Rewording Life

So I rephrase that question, from “What do you want to be when you grow up?” to
“What are you called to be or do RIGHT NOW?”
 
You can ask that of children and they know their contribution matters NOW.
You can ask that of grown adults who feel that any career change is a midlife crisis.

In this question, change is free to be change: it can be a natural movement instead.
 
You are free to pull from your past experience to build upon your future.
 

And each of your roles has built you for your next purpose.

barefoot beach blur break

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Moving Forward Beyond Bad Mom Syndrome

May I give you some hope: when you’re doing what you’re called to do, paid or not, from the home, from a computer, or in a brick & mortar workplace, EVERY role you play makes you better at EVERY thing else you do.
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I’d love to hear from you. 
I’m making a huge assumption here, but what has been your struggle?